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What??? You're already leaving without even viewing my site? Well if you have to go, at least go to Athens Geocities.

mah faantastic homepahge

Hello everybody and welcome to a new edition of Max's Amazing Home Page. This homepage is designed by the by now famous Maximillian John Dingli. As you probably don't know this handsome hunk, let's give you a chance to meet him. Click on his glorious mug to learn all about him. Done that? Then let's move on. A brief history of the site. On the 13th of March 1996, Max Dingli walked into his house to find his dad looking at a Microsoft Internet Explorer screen. It was his home page. After much elusive answers to many burning questions, Max Dingli found out that that pitiful site had been acquired through Geocities. Ha! quoth he.
my glorious mug
Ten days later he had started a web site himself and even installed a web counter. This web counter looked something like this: . Well, that wasn't enough for Max, was it now? So, he decided to create the most ravishing site on the WWW. And, lo and behold!, he did. And as you are the th person to visit his site, you have, as a prize, a personal greeting. Hello ! There. That's got rid of the squeamish ones. OK, you've passed the test and are now able to enter Max's Page of Pedagogic Puerility. This page is the sole responsibility of Maximillian John Dingli, however, if you think it's got the interest value of a dead camel's hairdo, then it's not my fault. If you do think it's got the interest value of a dead camel's hairdo, then I hope you're a dromedarian tonsorial artist. (Look it up.) If you are a dromedarian tonsorial artist, then I'd very much like to ask you the following question: Do you find your job interesting?

OK, OK, enough cackle. Well, let's get going. Keep walking please! Now for a short tour of the site. No, no photos. You can buy a postcard on the way out. OK! Now if you'll just keep looking ahead you'll see the rest of the front page, and that's quite boring, so pay attention.

Ok, to your right you can see the picture of. . .no lady, that's not a fish. It's Malta. Yes, my country. And it's a very nice place too. What do you mean, are there only three places? Of course not, there are about. . . well, go in, won't you? Why only 3 places? COZ THAT'S HOW THE BLINKING MAP CAME! How do you get in? Hold on, it's in the book somewhere. . .Oh! Here it is. "Click with the left mouse button on the image." You have to click with the left mouse button on the image. You're welcome. Oh ha ha, very funny. What do you mean, you're serious? Yes, of course it's a map! Map file? What's that? Oh, oh, no no no no, it's not a map file. No, I'm not a moron. I'm a tourist guide. What else am I? I already told you, didn't I? Yes, I did. What, you haven't clicked on the picture of my glorious mug yet? No, not a ceramic mug...Look, forget it, just click here. Got that? (Phew!)

filosofi Next. To your left, you see a statue of the famous "Thinker" by Michelangelo. What? No, missus, rodent is a type of animal, like a rat. Oh, Rodin! You're sure? Oh, all right then. The "Thinker" by Ro.. Rodin, wasn't it? Right. What's he doing there? Well, he's thinking. And what has it got to do with Max? Well, his philosophies are.. Well, go there and see. Yip, same way. Mind the step.

AAAAAAARGH!!!! What's that? Calm down, everyone, calm do.. CALM DOWN!!! It's only a cat. Yes, I know it looks evil, that's it's name, Evil the Cat. He's Earthworm Jim's arch-enemy. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHO'S EARTHWORM JIM (affectionately known as EWJ)? Oh, he's just a worm who saves the Universe regularly. Yes, it's a cartoon, madam. Your insight never fails to astound me. Well, what he's doing there is waiting for you to follow him. To the EWJ & HHGTTG page. HHGTTG stands for The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. No, it's not a disease, it's a book. STOP ASKING QUESTIONS! Click on the cat! evil the cat

OK, now here we'll split up into two groups. To the right go the severely depressed, and to the left go . . .erm, the severely depressed. Yes, well, to the right is Max's solutions to all your problems. To the left is the joke page. Yes, the jokes are quite bad. I'll wait for you here. NO, I DO NOT NEED TO GO RIGHT! Bye. Have fun. Enjoy.

naq Well, now's your chance to ask me questions. You? No, I do not possess a large colony of rabid fruit flies. Next. Yes, that's the way to the bathroom. Oh, that thing to the left. Yes, pretty strange, isn't it? Wait a bit, I'll look it up in the book. Ah.. here it is. NAQ. NAQ? What's an NAQ? Well, I'll have to come with you for this one. Who knows what an NAQ is? Yes, you madam? Never Asked Question, you say? Nah! Let's see anyway.

Hurry up, you took too long, telling Max all that was wrong. Hey, that rhymes! I'm a poet! And I didn't even know it! I did it again! Oh joy! I am a poet!!! Oh, what? Yes, yes, thank you, I'll write you some now. Didn't you say you wanted to see some good poetry? Do I write? Yes, of course. . .Oh, to the right! Yes. Oh that! Just some poetry that Max wrote. Nothing to write home about. Oh, ha ha, did you get that, write. . .? Where's everybody gone? poetry

scouts OK, did you enjoy that poetry. Yes, I must admit it was quite good. Not as good as some of the stuff I would have written, but good, anyway. Now, I think it's time for the break, so we'll scout around for a canteen. Where are you all going? Oh, there's a Scout site to the left you say? Well, let's see. Oh yes, that site. Well, OK. You see, Max is a member of a Scout Troop, and that's their page. Well, OK, if you want we can go. Okay, everybody, by the left quick forward march!

Now it's really time for a break. To the right we have our canteen and discussion parlour. Yes, to the right we have The Long Dark Teatime of the Soul. teatime

amazed at the wisdom Aha, I see that the physical break has renewed your intellectual thirsts. That means that now is the time to enter the Hall of Astounding Literature, all, of course, written by Max Dingli. But be prepared. This hall induces much intellectual turmoil.

Now down to the dungeons. Here we can see the many chains that. . .No, those aren't chains. Hold on a bit. Yes, OK. Those are the links to other sites. If any of you are bored with this site, you can go there. So, how come nobody's going? Anyway, it's a Max sub-site, so it's worth going to. Oh, you're all gone. Well, I'll wait for you here. linx

OK, we're walking, we're walking. Now as we walk along this corridor. . . what was that sir? Oh, that room to the right. Elementary, dear Watson. That there is the puzzles room. What type, you may ask of puzzles? AHA! That is what we must venture forth to discover, disregarding all peril and. . . oops, got a bit carried away there. Anyway, why don't you go in and see what the ingenious mastermind of Max has got to offer you? I'll wait here. And remember, if you can't solve the puzzles. . . the truth is out there! puzzles

view GB Well, my dear visitors, it is now time to leave the wonderful Page of Pedagogic Puerility (which, by the way, means Childishness that Educates). And I'm sure that you'll want to leave your mark on this page with some comment or other. You might also want to see what other people before you have written. Therefore, to your left you may view other people's writing, while to your right, you may leave the message that you please. I hope that you enjoyed your stay with Max. Come back soon. This page is apt to change. sign GB

I'm sure that after all we've gone through together you'll want to contact me. Well, that's easy. Just click on the hand and send all your blank cheques, marriage proposals, death threats, and even normal mail. Alternatively, if the thought of touching a green hand frightens you, just send them here.

I'll be the judge of that

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